I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
