4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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