If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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