I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
