yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
