I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
