batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
