I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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