I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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