Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
