I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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