this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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