The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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