My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
