That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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