I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
