I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
