I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
