Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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