cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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