i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
