Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
