She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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