dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
you never un-have a 4some
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
