my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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