I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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