we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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