i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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