It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
