you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
