im gay
i know
yea but for you.
The best revenge is premature balding
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
