my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
