I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
