if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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