Only a mothe r could love this liver
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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