hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
