How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
