Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
