My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
