i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
