I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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