I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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