24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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