He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
