I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
PANTIES FOUND
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