Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
