You really coming over, don't trick.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
that may or may not have been my penis.
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