Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
It was confusing and full of hummus
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
