Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
