just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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